Can we be friends if we disagree politically?

Dearest Community,

Last year, I got into a huge fight with one of my best friends over our values.

I was upset that my friend didn’t share anything about Palestine on social media and that I never saw him participate in any protests. Do we even care about the same things anymore? It felt like our values and life choices kept drifting further and further apart, despite our 15-year history. Even though we were on the “same side” politically, the difference in how we were embodying our values started to create a lot of tension between us.

I judged him for not doing more. He felt judged for living his life.

I felt disappointed. He felt misunderstood.

I felt betrayed. He felt not enough.

Have you been on either side of this dynamic?

And it wasn’t just us. I saw trails of broken relationships everywhere. It seemed like relationship ruptures were happening all around me—on social media, in real life, between couples, family members, childhood friends, neighbors, colleagues…

I heard people say, “I can’t be friends with anyone who _______.” Or, “If you believe _______, then I don’t want to know you.” Some broke up over disagreements around Covid consciousness. Some broke up over the presidential election. Some broke up over Palestine. While some people engaged in direct arguments and painful breakups, others quietly distanced themselves without a word.

It seemed like political division wasn’t just happening between the “left” and the “right” or Republicans and Democrats—it was happening inside our very own social circles and amongst those who claimed to believe in the same things.

How are we supposed to build community when our differences feel so big?

Well, dear friends, the new episode that dropped today (Ep 5. Can We Be Friends If We Disagree Politically?) is all about navigating these tensions and what happened between my friend and me. I interviewed the inimitable Kai Cheng Thom, a conflict resolution practitioner and one of my favorite poets, and her wisdom has been the perfect balm for my soul.

In moments of conflict that trigger us so much, Kai implores us to ask, “What am I not hearing inside myself?”

I hope you enjoy the episode. It’s a really good (and so important) one. If you feel moved to, please help amplify and share your feedback. I’d love to hear from you.

As always, thank you for being here.

In community,

Michelle

❤️ On My Radar & Heart:

1. I saw this Instagram video and it stopped me in my tracks. “Your happiest moments in life are going to be this: Everybody alive together. It’s as simple as that.”

2. As someone who is always navigating the messy and complex in-between space, this poignant post felt like a much needed exhale:

   “Beware of those who aim to be gods but were never ghosts. Those who go straight to building, naming, claiming, whether they are mere strategists or entire world builders. They will build too quickly on unexamined foundations, and risk missing the paradoxes that hold new truths. They will mistake momentum for meaning. Ghosthood may read like hesitation on the surface, but I can tell you it’s really a discipline of depth. It’s what allows you to hold paradox without defaulting to easy answers.”

3. This article introduced me to 6 tools to stay informed about what’s happening to our civil liberties, from tracking the status of those detained by ICE to monitoring regulatory changes introduced by the administration.

💬 IFTWT at the SF Human Rights Summit

Last week, our podcast was invited to do a live recording at the San Francisco Human Rights Summit. We cried, we laughed, and we remembered that there is always space for collective joy. Thank you SF Pride, Commonwealth Club, and Michelle Meow for having us!

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